When Do You Actually Feel Like an Adult? Asking for a 31-Year-Old...
I always assumed that at some point, adulthood would just click. That I’d wake up one day, instinctively know how to manage taxes, enjoy reading the news, and confidently handle any situation thrown my way…
That day never came. Instead, I find myself at 31, successfully navigating leadership roles but still googling how long to cook an omelette.
So, when exactly do you start feeling like an actual “got your s**t together” adult?
Spoiler: I don’t think anyone really does.
The Myth of “Real Adults”
As kids, we look up to adults like they have all the answers. Parents, teachers, managers—surely they must have life figured out, right? Wrong. The truth is, they’re just the same as us, a few decades ahead, still winging it. Think about it:
Your parents had no manual for raising you. They made it up as they went along… (Is there a manual yet?! Asking for a friend of course!)
Your boss? Probably Googling “how to be a good leader” on their lunch break.
And that CEO you admire? Definitely had at least one day where they felt like a total fraud.
The reality is, adulthood isn’t about suddenly knowing things. It’s about making peace with not knowing things and handling it anyway.
Leadership, Public Speaking, & the Imposter Syndrome Circus
Being in leadership can make this feeling even more intense. One minute, you’re leading teams, making decisions, and speaking with confidence. The next, you’re questioning whether someone made a clerical error by putting you in charge!
Imposter syndrome is that little voice in your head saying, “You don’t deserve to be here.” But here’s the thing: everyone hears that voice. The difference between those who succeed and those who hold themselves back? They don’t let the voice win.
And then there’s public speaking. Not the kind in meetings where I can bounce ideas around comfortably—I mean the kind where you stand in front of a sea of expectant faces at a grand event or networking function. My worst nightmare. Just thinking about it gives me that stomach-churning, palms-sweating, heart-racing kind of fear.
If I had to choose between delivering a speech to a packed room or swimming with sharks, let’s just say I’d be grabbing my snorkel (Genuinely, this would be an easy choice!) It’s not that I don’t have things to say—I do! It’s the sheer pressure of all eyes on me, the fear of stumbling over my words, or worse, stumbling over my own feet on the way up!
Lets Own It!
So, if we’re all just doing our best with what we know, how do you stop feeling like a fraud? Here are a few things I’m learning along the way:
Nobody Knows It All – Seriously. The more you grow, the more you realise how much you don’t know. That’s normal. The best leaders aren’t the ones with all the answers; they’re the ones who keep learning.
Confidence Comes From Action – You don’t need to feel like an adult to act like one. Make the decision, take the leap, and trust that you’ll figure it out along the way. Ever heard of that saying.. Fake it til’ you make it!
Give Yourself Permission to Belong – Stop waiting for someone to come and declare you “officially an adult” or “worthy of your position.” The moment you decide you belong is the moment you do.
Tackle Your Fears in Small Steps – If public speaking terrifies you, start small. Speak up more in meetings, practice with smaller groups, even record yourself to get comfortable hearing your own voice. It won’t magically disappear overnight, but chipping away at the fear is the only way forward.
Laugh at the Chaos – Something doesn’t go quite to plan? Laugh it off and try again. We’re all in this together.
What I’ve Decided
Adulthood isn’t about reaching some magical level of knowledge or responsibility. It’s about growth. It’s about continuously showing up, learning, and improving. And honestly? If nobody else truly has it figured out, then maybe I’m doing just fine.
So, to anyone else questioning when they’ll feel like an adult: maybe the trick is to stop waiting for that feeling and just embrace the beautifully chaotic journey of figuring it out—one omelette, leadership decision, and terrifying networking event at a time. We’ve got this!
